The Fat Grackle

In discussions about health, why do we have to have phrases like, “Fat people need to exercise and eat healthy,” ? Aren’t conversations about health applicable to all individual’s, not just the fat ones?

Sometimes I love my body. Sometimes I feel like the sexiest freaking person in the universe. My husband thinks I’m sexy and we have awesome sexy times together. He’s the only one I’ve ever been with that has made me feel that way about my body. He appreciates me and my body…. not me despite my body. He is my best friend and he has helped me in my journey towards self-acceptance. My husband is my hero.

It hasn’t always been this way. I’ve been in a few relationships where my body was not sought after. Times when my body was used against me. When I was told it was ugly and not worth the passion I was willing to give. I believed that I was not worthy of love and that I should be grateful for any kind of affection that I received. As my high school crush so “eloquently” announced to the entire class, “No one wants a big fat cow.”

I guess that’s why, the night a man, my date, decided to rape me, that I translated it as love. He must love me if he was willing to have sex with me. Who would want to sleep with me unless they loved me. Who cares if he pinned me down and took off my clothes with tears in my eyes and a no on my lips. Who cares if he was so rough with me that he made me bleed and then yelled at me for doing so. He must love me, right? That’s why I stayed and endured his abuse for some time. He never cared that I cut myself because my heart ached so bad and I just wanted something to dull the pain in my soul.

I look back on that girl I used to be and she seems like a stranger. I don’t understand how I could have valued myself so little that I thought that I deserved to be treated with such hostility. I wish I could go to that young woman that I was back then and tell her that she was beautiful. To tell her that the size of her body didn’t define the worth of her life. I wish I could have told her that she didn’t have to hate herself. That it was okay for her to have sexual desires (because she felt ashamed and unworthy of those desires). Though I cannot, I cradle her in my memories.

Abstract:

“Height, weight, and body mass index (BMI) were assessed in a sample of 1974 monozygotic and 2097 dizygotic male twin pairs. Concordance rates for different degrees of overweight were twice as high for monozygotic twins as for dizygotic twins. Classic twin methods estimated a high heritability for height, weight, and BMI, both at age 20 years (.80,.78, and.77, respectively) and at a 25-year follow-up (.80,.81, and.84, respectively). Height, weight, and BMI were highly correlated across time, and a path analysis suggested that the major part of that covariation was genetic. These results are similar to those of other twin studies of these measures and suggest that human fatness is under substantial genetic control. “

(JAMA 1986;256:51-54)

• Question: Hi! I love your blog! I also need advice. I started a new course in September and Facebook-friended many of my fellow students. A woman I friended had started a radical diet and exercise program online and was being paid to 'coach' others. She dropped out of the program quickly so I never really got to know her. Today, out of the blue, she messaged me personally asking if I wanted her to coach me. I'm a little offended and hurt and don't know how to respond. What is a body-positive response? - Anonymous
• Answer:

  First, I think it is important to recognize that she probably isn’t doing what she is doing to be malicious, as she is operating in a popular cultural framework that dictates that all of us must want to be thinner because thinner = healthier.

  That being said, it is also completely understandable that you felt offended because of the implications of her offer. I, myself, receive countless offers to join weight loss regimes by family and friends via Facebook. My husband has family members that invite me to events and not him. I do get a bit miffed, because I have stated how I feel about the matter. I cannot dictate what the absolute right thing to respond is, but I can tell you a couple of options that I would personally consider:

  1. Ignore her. Simply don’t respond.

  2. Politely decline her offer and leave it at that. You are not required to explain yourself, so do not feel obligated to do so.

  3. Politely decline her offer and take the opportunity to share your body-positive outlook. (Example: Thank you for thinking of me for this opportunity but I must decline. I do not feel that dieting is beneficial to my health. I feel that raging against my body is counter-intuitive to its overall well-being…. and so on and so forth)

  You are different and can certainly handle the situation as you wish. I am just telling you how I would handle it… but I am an entirely different individual. :) I hope I helped you. If not, feel free to tell me!

  P.S. Thank you for loving my blog! :D

First one must define what true happiness is. Is there a universal definition of true happiness? Is the concept of true happiness a perception or an ultimate truth? Can one person define true happiness for another person? Is true happiness obtainable by any of us fallible human entities?

I subscribe wholly to the theory that perception defines reality. The way I see it is the way it is for me in my own personal life. This would lend to the notion that what I see as happiness would be judged as fallacy in the eyes of select others and what I see as fallacy is another human’s ultimate truth.

I am happy. I am happy with my life. I am happy with who I am and what I stand for. Does that mean I always run around with rainbows flying out of my butt? Nope. I am human. I have good days and bad days just like everyone else. But I am happy. I am happy because of many things, but one giant reason is because I have learned to be. To exist in the present moment and accept what it is. I could fret and worry about why certain things in and on my body are as they are. I choose happiness.


If someone came to me today and handed me a pill that would make me the “ideal” weight, I wouldn’t take it. It would negate my human experience. As a member of society, it may be tempting, but I would decline the invitation. My life, my experiences, and my body have ushered me into the person I am today. What lessons would I forfeit in the pursuit of a more acceptable body frame? If it comes to me by my actions, then so let it be.

“I have a beach body. It’s this one, the one I take to the beach, and it’s fat as all get-out…” - Lesley Kinzel

Image: Vacationer by *ArtOfVico

“When you stop living your life based on what others think of you, real life begins. At that moment, you will finally see the door of self acceptance opened.” - Shannon L. Alder

(Photo: Tu-154 by ~sergeyspiric)

“If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation.”
― Jiddu Krishnamurti

(Photo:curled by `ladytwiglet )

I just wanted to answer this question posed to me in response to a question asked of them, “Why should anyone extend any more than a basic level of respect to one who cannot respect themself?” I’m answering it here because I cannot possibly squeeze this into an ask box.

My answer: For the sake of my sanity I’m going to try to ignore the insinuation that fat people, as a whole, do not respect themselves, thus do not deserve anymore respect than the lowest baseline expected to be shown to all humans (including pedophiles, rapists and murderers). 

 The simplest way I can explain why I choose to extend respect to all people is because I know what it is like to hate myself and I know the pain that comes with that. I know what it feels like to be called names, treated like dirt, and humiliated (for me it was because of the size and shape of my body). It is hard to find a way to respect yourself when so many people tell you that you cant. I was depressed, I self-injured, I had to be hospitalized. I found hope and the ability to love myself despite my body over 11 years ago. I still was not at peace with my body. Over the past year, I have found permission to actually love myself the way I am and actually embrace the body I have. I’m a sexy beast (my husband agrees).

I cannot know any other human being’s struggles as astutely as the individual experiencing them. I’m not just talking about body size either. There are a lot of ways humans can struggle. I cannot tell anything about a person by looking at them, except perhaps the level of my own prejudice about the things that I observe about them (some really wise person said something to this effect but I can’t remember who).

I’m fat and I respect myself. I love me. The fat acceptance movement is about giving fat people the power and freedom to love and respect themselves and I suspect this is what really troubles people. I think people are threatened by the idea of people deciding to give popular societal notions the finger and living their life happy anyways.

I choose love. I choose acceptance. I choose respect…. and I do not demand qualifiers.  

I hope I’ve made sense, I felt a bit rambly…